Summer of {SELF} Love- Filled with Magic

My intention this summer was "SELF CARE WHILE I GIVE CARE." So how did it go? Here is my Summer of {SELF} Love recap. 


Self-love can take on many forms and is not always easy to tap into. Revelations start slowly and take time to fully manifest. The start of my summer started out dark and heavy. This was well before the eclipse, retrogrades, and full moon energies that had everyone in a flutter in the second half of the summer. This was in June. I had made some self-discoveries about key players in my past. People I held dear, and still do, but that didn't treat me well...for years! For most, if not all, of my formative years and young adulthood. Trying not to be too cryptic, I realized I was surrounded by strong narcissistic behavior and it set a half of a life's journey to pull myself out of it. When it starts before you are born, you don't know it is wrong. You grow up thinking you are wrong. I carried that with me for a long time as I accumulated more narcissists in my life. At the start of the summer, I found myself in what is called the magic dark. A place you don't know is magic until you come out of it. I did a lot of healing at the start of summer and that didn't always feel great. We have to remember that healing can be painful. You don't recover from a fall or a surgery without pain. It is part of the process and you will get to the other side. I forgave myself, I forgave others, and I learned how to fully stand in my decisions I made years ago to build boundaries. Any doubts I had there are gone (that is the magic!) I was tested. The universe will test you. Past triggers came up, often appearing (literally) right in front of me, and I saw them for what they really are. How I let people treat me in the past is in the past. I have my practice to thank for that. I have this journey of self-love to thank for that. When I was in my Breathwork training last summer in New Mexico, the words that kept coming up were "It's over." I re-read my journal from that time, and I wrote that line down several times. That large part of my life is over. With that I can move on. 

Through all of that, I also learned that my dear cat has kidney failure. My mind quickly raced to thoughts of her no longer being with us. This added to my early summer tears. Through the magic my husband and I have bonded over taking care of her. We have to administer sub-Q fluids three times a week- indefinitely. This is not an easy task and we had issues in the beginning. Our hearts swelled with grief, we have to use needles, and hold her down. Our tempers flared in the beginning, as they do in times of unwanted change, however, we've learned to find grace and help each other help her. The vet told us to make it a pleasant experience, so we gush on her all the compliments in soft spoken tones while administering her fluids and she's gotten used to it to. We have to continually remind ourselves that we are all learning this new way of living! 

So, as stated, I made my intention self-care while I give care. While I give care to my cat, to my husband who is also upset over her illness and the passing of his grandmother which came during the eclipse season, and to myself while I heal old wounds and my C-PTSD caused by them. I made choices that reflect that. I directed my tears to my mat, to my practice. I made sure to go to my classes (as a student) and practice at home. I made doctor appointments for myself. Turns out my vitamin B12 levels are really low. While I work with my doctor to find out why, I'm realizing how this contributed to my exhaustion, my stomach aches, and low energy. (Side note: I'm feeling better know that I'm on supplements.) And I made sure to have fun! That is hard when you're not feeling well. But I went to the beach, to the pool, and visited with friends.

And then the magic happened! Some how the darkness cleared and just in time to enjoy the summer. The good and the bad exist at the same time. I set my intention to not feel guilty about enjoyment during a hard time. And more enjoyment came! And opportunities! Opportunities just started coming my way, like my new weekly yoga class for instance. I set and repeated my intention, I stood in my power, and I lived in the moment. All the while discovering a deeper self love. 


How was your Summer of {SELF} Love? Drop me a line or leave a comment below! 

  I feel privileged to be a teacher and share with you my journey in the hopes that it will aid you in yours.