In less than a week it will be a year since I left my corporate job. In my six years there I learned a lot about myself but I also lost a lot about myself. In the year since I've left, I've learned even more. I'm now living my life with my intuition as my guide. Here is what I've learned:
1. LEAD WITH YOUR HEART, NOT FEAR.
I turned 22 years old the day after my mother's funeral. As I graduated from college and started my adult life, I knew I had to live my life to the fullest. I turned grief into a gift. However, I didn't always have the tools or the strength to fully trust the universe. In the 23 years between then and now, my heart led me to travel and to take risks working for myself as a designer, but my fear and insecurity would bubble up. That fear was often stronger than my heart. It led me to give up on working for myself and to take a job with benefits, especially when I was broke, in debt, and injured. I gave in to the "shoulds", the advertisements, the magazine headlines.... all the things that want to keep you afraid so they can control you. I thought that perhaps my years of travel and self employment were self indulgent. I thought I was behind because I sacrificed owning things for experiences. I wasn't behind, I just had different priorities. I didn't want to wait for retirement. My mother didn't get to retire. I then found myself unhappy working for someone else. Travel became escapism, not adventure. I was in a world where you are never enough, never have enough, and can never give enough. A world that was not meant for me. I started to get physically ill. Stomach aches occurred like clockwork at the office. If I stayed, the aches would have progressed into something that would provide more fear. I wasn't leading my life with my heart. I was feeding the fear machine.
2. THE UNIVERSE IS MY EMPLOYER
Diving deeper into my yoga practice and discovering the healing power of breathwork has led me to connect with my heart again. I feel like I've come full circle to the 22 year old in me. I've hugged her and let her know that I am stronger now. I can do this!
The Yoga Sutras describe 5 Kleshas- or afflictions. These are energy blocks that having a yoga and/ or breathwork practice can help you release. The ultimate goal is to live your fullest life, follow your intuition, and connect with your heart. The Kleshas include:
Avidya- Ignorance. The root of all suffering. Lack of awareness of your true self.
Asmita- Ego. Your true self becomes lost, the mind becomes restless.
Ragas- Attachment. The ego forms attachment to things or circumstances to bring you happiness. External search for happiness rules your life.
Dvesha- Aversion. Avoidance of anything that will bring pain or discomfort. We can't avoid or dull emotional pain with substances or denial.
Abhinivesha- Fear of Death. We cling to the body. We fear change. We fear.
Through the work of healing we find self-love, we find our inner light, and we start to trust that the universe has our back. This is a continual work in progress. I'm dedicating myself to going deep into my own healing, so I can teach and hold space for you. In the past year since I've started listening to my heart- I never thought I'd be where I am now. My intuition has led me to complete yoga teacher training, start teaching yoga, to discovering breathwork, to completing level 1-3 in breathwork healer training in New Mexico.
The universe is now my employer. I no longer need a fancy job title to feel supported. I work for myself and work for others that feed my heart, not my fear.