And you might be surprised by what that work is.
Image via Unsplash by Kelly Sikkema
I stand for Black Lives Matter. I’ve been in awe of this movement unfolding before our eyes this past week/ week and a half. All around the world. Like many white people, and all of my friends, I’ve pledged to and followed through with learning and listening. I reposted, retweeted, rage-tweeted. I voted (GA Primary here). I donated. I also meditated and did a lot of thinking. When the dust settles, when the streets clear, how will we return to our regular lives? Hopefully, we will continue to learn and listen, donate, and stay politically aware and active. But what else?
We have to hold ourselves accountable for allowing racist systems to be in place. We have to understand that we’ve been duped into thinking that these systems have helped us as white people. We’ve been gaslighted to believe that we benefit, that we are privileged. Even if you’ve been unpacking your white privilege and have done a lot of work to get there, you need to understand that the same systems that are hurting other races are also working to keep you frightened, so that you can feel protected, so that you can keep the powers that be in power. White supremacy is narcissistic abuse on an epic scale, and it benefits no one but the narcissist.
We now have the job to heal. Your white guilt doesn’t want to hear that because it sounds like time off. All week you’ve been asking yourself, ‘what more can I do’? Make no mistake, this is not a vacation. We now have the job to recognize how narcissistic patterns show up in our daily lives, on smaller scales; our families, our jobs, our friendships so that we can zoom out and see it on every level. So we can see how we are not benefiting. This will require deep work to discover how to live with intention. It is time to get out of the comfort that living unconsciously has brought you. This is de-programming and re-programming. Shadow work. Inner child work. Reparenting. Ancestral work. Soul work. We’ve lost our soul. Have you ever noticed that anyone who does this work is easily labeled hippy, woowoo, witchy….. You see, what gaslighting does? It keeps you from connecting to your true self. It keeps you from doing the shadow work to get to the light. Because then you’d be able to see through your oppressor- whether it is your boyfriend or the president.
It’s time to evaluate your relationships and your role in them. Educate yourself on power plays and personality disorders. Educate yourself on creating energetic boundaries. You may see that the people around you are either the narcissist, the flying monkey (think the nice girl who finally gets invited to sit with the popular mean-girls at lunch. She doesn’t want to lose that opportunity and thinks they are her real friends), the victim (usually someone enmeshed that stays in the relationship yet continually gets hurt) or the de-programmer. Be the de-programmer. Be the one who is willing to change their role in the group dynamic. Be the one who is true to themselves and protects their energy. This may cost you friends. You may lose family. But you will gain so much more. You will gain light. You will start to heal. When you start to heal, so do others. You will attract those that want to heal and the healing will spread! This is why it is important!
Then you can connect to your ancestors and help that stagnant energy move. This abuse is in your DNA. Did you know that you can hold ancestral trauma for 14 generations? 14 generations. The fears, the horrors of watching oppression and not being able to do/say anything, the hunger, the erasing of culture (yes your culture was erased)...it is with you on a cellular level. You may not know all of the stories but there are most likely oppressors and those that were oppressed in your family tree. True for all of us. You may find your oppressed ancestors were middle of the road people that were just trying to get by like everyone else. That they were doing the best they could with what was available to them. That they couldn’t get out of whatever cycle they were in at no fault of their own. This is true if it was stories from your grandparents, or those that came to the new world in Colonial times, or those that were burned at the stake during the Crusades (or had to watch it). You think social programs are horrible now, can you imagine what they were like in the 1500s? You have to heal for them. Change the coping mechanisms. Grow the strength so the oppressor spirits weaken. For yourself. For future generations.
I know it is a lot easier to just use a hashtag and throw some money at it. And it’s easy to believe that you are not the problem. ‘This happened before my time’ ‘before I could vote’ ‘back in the old, old days’...classic statements of denial. It’s really hard to accept that the baggage we inherited is really heavy. I'm a second generation American, so I’ve bought into those lines before as well. They don’t work. It’s a way of gaslighting yourself so that you can feel off the hook. So that you can deny just how much healing you need to do. The narcissistic trauma is so deep, we do it to ourselves! Healing will mean accepting who you fully are and fully made up of- oppressors and the oppressed. Finding accountability, so that blocked energy is freed.
I’ve done a lot of this work, and I have more to do. It is ongoing. It is consistent work. It is multi-layered. It’s emotional. And it’s also full of love and joy. I promise! There are many different modalities out there to help you. My medicine that I share is restorative yoga and the breath. This is bottom up healing. Grounded. It helps create new neural pathways. New coping mechanisms. It releases stored up tension. All walks of life benefit from these modalities, but real grounded energy work is stripped from white culture. For the most part we have been offered talk therapy. Top down healing. This is different. The first time I did Breathwork in 2016, two ancestral spirit guides came to me and gave me a hug. They told me I was on the right path. They are with me everyday. I realized this week that my role in my ongoing fight to end the oppression that is white supremacy is to continue to share my medicine. To continue to do my healing work- my own and to hold space for others. I have come close to giving up working with others. It is part-time work for me outside of a full time job, and a labor of love. But I truly believe that this work needs to be done. I will also use money made from my classes and healing sessions to continue to donate to causes. My word for 2020 is consistency, I will be consistent with this work.
I’m not just healing myself, I’m healing my ancestors who were discriminated against, that worked their whole lives in factories so that I could have a better life, that thought coming to a new world would save them somehow, that couldn’t speak up against abuse, that gave up their language and culture, their connection to the earth...I will not let that be in vain. I will not let that go unhealed and perpetuate abuse.
We are all connected on this earth. Come home to your body. We have to do more than just intellectualize anti-racism work, we have to FEEL it.
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